BOOK FEATURE
THE GREAT DICK: AND THE DYSFUNCTIONAL DEMON by Barry Maher
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SYNOPSIS
It’s 1982. His name, Steve Witowski, is an alias. Once he was a counterculture hero. Now he’s a failed songwriter, running from the law.
And he’s just become a killer, rescuing a woman from an horrific assault by what seemed to be the strongest wino in California. Steve should keep moving. But the woman, Victoria, is beyond stunning.
Oddly, she’s recently bought a decrepit old church, with notorious past. Will Steve stay and help? Of course. Even as the face of the man he just killed materializes on his arm. And Victoria becomes just a part of a mystery he can’t unravel.
Until he’s looting the decomposing dead for the secrets of a self-proclaimed sorcerer. And the mystery becomes a nightmare of fire and blood and death.
The Sorcerer’s spells and rituals can’t actually work, of course. Until they do.
And unknown to Steve, a demon is growing desperate.
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Where the story came from...
How Not Being Able to Tell Time Led to The Great Dick: And the Dysfuctional Demon
I was speaking on an Asian cruise when I realized I could no longer figure out what the hands of the clock meant. Money got confusing too. In Viet Nam, I handed a vender two hundreds and a ten for a $7 baseball cap. It was a really nice cap.
Back home, the first thing my doctor did was have me draw a clock face at ten to three. The second thing he did was take away my driver’s license. He sent me for an immediate MRI. The nurse there wouldn’t comment on the results, but when I asked to use the restroom, she said, “I can’t let you go in there alone.”
Bad sign. Then she said, “You need to talk to your neurosurgeon.”
The neurosurgeon explained that I had a brain tumor the size of a basketball. Or maybe he said “baseball.” I wasn’t tracking too well at that point. What I did understand was that he wanted to slice my skull open with a power saw then carve out the tumor.
My problem was that while I was sure this guy was as brilliant as everyone claimed, I’ve always thought intelligence was overrated. To me, on a scale of everything there is to know in the universe, the main difference between Einstein and Koko the Wonder Chimp, was that Einstein couldn’t pick up bananas with his feet. (As far as I know.)
Anyway, I went into surgery. I may or may not have had a seizure during surgery. They weren’t’ sure. That may explain what happened. Or it might have been a bizarre type of dream. But I came out of surgery with a story in my head that was like a memory. One I couldn’t shake.
My brain could have given me a nice rom/com or Citizen Kane or a few episodes of a sitcom. But, I came back to consciousness with a story full of open crypts, bizarre spells, sudden death and the Ralph Lauren version of the Manson Family. And that story is now The Great Dick: And the Dysfunctional Demon
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“What a page turner! Witty, literate, scary, sexy, and powerfully evocative”
-Gayle Lynds, New York Times bestselling author.
"An enormous amount of fun. Wholly fresh and original. Wickedly funny . . . The Great Dick is a hot, sweaty, magic- and murder-infused rollercoaster of a story that takes you in every direction except the one you're expecting . . . I loved it."
-David Moody, author of Hater and Autumn
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Barry Maher
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Barry Maher may be the only horror novelist who’s ever appeared in the pages of Funeral Service Insider. In his misspent youth, his articles were featured in perhaps a hundred different publications and, in order to eat, he held nearly that many different jobs. Sometimes he lived on the beach. Not in a house on the beach. On the beach. With the sand and the seagulls.
After a sentence with a Fortune 100 company, he started speaking professionally. He told stories to audiences across the country and around the world: his client list a Who’s Who of multi-national corporations and large associations. You may have seen Barry on The Today Show, NBC Nightly News, CNN, CBS or CNBC, or read his Slightly Off-Kilter syndicated newspaper column.
On the downside, he’s actually been incarcerated twice. Once for not making a left hand turn out of a left hand turn lane, and once for aiding and abetting a loiterer. He’s deeply repentant.
Awhile back, Barry lost the ability to tell time, courtesy of a baseball-size, cancerous, brain tumor. He awoke from having his skull cut open without the tumor but with the story of The Great Dick: And the Dysfunctional Demon.
Website: www.barrymaher.com
Twitter: @barrymaher
